Tuesday, December 15, 2009

I thought I was okay with it

Well, I met with the school yesterday and Noah got in the developmental preschool and Cameron didn't. Just as we thought would happen. I really, really thought I was okay with this and have found so many positive things about it. But all I can think of is my sweet little 3 year old getting on a bus all alone. No brother or mommy there. He has NEVER been away from all of us totally on his own. The reality of that didn't hit me until yesterday and now I can't get the picture out of my head. They have always had each other even if we weren't there.

And of course Cameron decided to be CRANKY this morning and I am very afraid this is what it will be like every day that Noah gets on the bus and he has to stay behind. He is the one who WANTS to go and do these things. So hard being a parent at times emotionally! I know I just have to find something to make our (Cameron) time special. But just the though of explaining this to them both before and during, is just painful for me. They both want what the other child will be getting. It makes me sad. I know it will be okay and they will adjust and this is for the best. I know all these things in my logical portion of my head. But my heart still aches for them both. And this morning when I dropped them off at "school" I had to tell their teachers and the director. That made it even more real. And the teachers were sad and said they were going to lose their "snuggle bug." And I keep thinking what is Cameron going to do during this adjustment time?

Oh, the thought of all this makes my head spin, or wait, is that the vertigo? To top all of this off I have an inner ear infection. No telling how long I have had this stupid thing but I know the last 4-5 days have been pretty miserable. I have lost nearly 5 pounds because of the nausea. I wanted to lose weight but not this way. I really just want the room to stop spinning and be able to walk without drifting. Ha!

1 comment:

Margaret said...

It's OK not be fine with it and worry and grieve about the situation--it's called being a mom. I'm still feeling those feelings about various things and mine are 23 and 19. Love you.


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