Tuesday, December 8, 2009

First of many decisions like this

Well, it has turned out pretty much as I suspected it would and now I have to make a decision. I am torn by so many emotions over this decision. I am sure this is the first of many like this I will face with the boys, but it has conjured up a whole range of emotions.

Noah has qualified for the developmental preschool and Cameron hasn't. I know I need to send Noah but do I fight to get Cameron in? I am not sure Noah is ready to be separated from Cameron. If it were the other way around I would say no problem. But it isn't. And it has turned out just like I feared it would.

I am actually happy Cameron didn't qualify and was hoping neither of them would. But Noah just won't participate in class and during his evaluation hardly even acknowledged that the people were in the room. He did his usual thing of doing his own thing on his own terms. And I still can't figure out if that is just him being stubborn or if there really is something wrong there. I know he is intelligent, he shows it so many ways, but he is just stubborn and is a sensory kid. His OT thinks he may have Auditory Processing Disorder but that usually isn't diagnosed until they are 6 or older. So now I have to play this waiting game and I have to admit it is agonizing at times.

It doesn't help matters when Cameron came back "Advanced" on several of his scores. It also didn't help that I got Cameron's evaluation on Saturday and just received Noah's today. Then of course I start blaming myself. How can I have two children the same age and one be so far behind the other? What did I do wrong? The logical side of me knows it is just they are two different children and developing at their own pace. But the mommy side of me has a heart that is breaking and feeling like I failed my child.

Going to get all this out of my system tonight and then stop worrying over it. We go next week to meet about this and I will just have faith that it will work itself out.


Margaret said...

I think it's helpful that Noah has the opportunity to do this--and on his own. It could be just what he needs to learn to assert himself and show what he can do. Is he the one that is more dependent on the "twin-ness"? (so maybe it's made him a bit lazy and he needs to figure out how to work harder at stuff?) I can't say that I know how you feel, but our younger daughter has never been the kind of student that our older one is. They each have their talents and that's what you nurture. Alison is very athletic and musical whereas Ashley is extremely academic and artistic.

LauraC said...

Oh hon, I don't think this is something you can blame on yourself. My boys are so incredibly different and have been since birth. They just have different strengths and weaknesses.

As for being separated, I worried a lot about this as well. Not sure if you were reading my blog at that time but my boys were separated at school bc Nate was potty trained and Alex was not. I was really scared for Alex bc he is the one more dependent on the twin relationship. But it actually helped him thrive! We told him he needed to focus on potty training to be with Nate and he immediately wanted to do it! But there were no tears, no issues, they took it just fine (I was a mess though, ha ha).


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