Well, it has turned out pretty much as I suspected it would and now I have to make a decision. I am torn by so many emotions over this decision. I am sure this is the first of many like this I will face with the boys, but it has conjured up a whole range of emotions.
Noah has qualified for the developmental preschool and Cameron hasn't. I know I need to send Noah but do I fight to get Cameron in? I am not sure Noah is ready to be separated from Cameron. If it were the other way around I would say no problem. But it isn't. And it has turned out just like I feared it would.
I am actually happy Cameron didn't qualify and was hoping neither of them would. But Noah just won't participate in class and during his evaluation hardly even acknowledged that the people were in the room. He did his usual thing of doing his own thing on his own terms. And I still can't figure out if that is just him being stubborn or if there really is something wrong there. I know he is intelligent, he shows it so many ways, but he is just stubborn and is a sensory kid. His OT thinks he may have Auditory Processing Disorder but that usually isn't diagnosed until they are 6 or older. So now I have to play this waiting game and I have to admit it is agonizing at times.
It doesn't help matters when Cameron came back "Advanced" on several of his scores. It also didn't help that I got Cameron's evaluation on Saturday and just received Noah's today. Then of course I start blaming myself. How can I have two children the same age and one be so far behind the other? What did I do wrong? The logical side of me knows it is just they are two different children and developing at their own pace. But the mommy side of me has a heart that is breaking and feeling like I failed my child.
Going to get all this out of my system tonight and then stop worrying over it. We go next week to meet about this and I will just have faith that it will work itself out.