Monday, January 31, 2011

What happened to all the photos?

Life since moving has really kind of sucked.  Well, not totally but as far as my keeping up with photos of the boys it has.  I didn't realize just how much so until I was looking on my Facebook page at all the pictures from before.  Man there were some cute ones from when we lived in Indiana.  The year I did Project 365.  The year they were both in school for a few hours each week.  Boo.

I did realize this week that part of my reason for lack of picture taking and posting here is that only one of the boys is in school at the moment.  I didn't realize how much I got done in that few hours each week they were both gone.  And I have made a promise to myself to get more sleep (and have been doing fairly well this last year I must say).  So now I have to decide, sleep or capture those beautiful moments?  Hmm...I seriously have to give this some thought.  Right now I am leaning toward giving up the sleep because I am missing looking back on on those photos and remembering those precious moments!  Like these...

So I guess I just need to find a closer spot to keep the good old camera and put aside a few hours each week (I laugh even thinking that thought) for just working on photos.  I have an entire year worth just sitting there waiting for me to go through and do something with.  Sigh...

On a different note, I am hopefully on the road to figuring a few things out when it comes to my kiddos (and myself I might add).  But we'll see how the next few weeks go and I'll do a little more filling in on that topic.  For now I am just trying to take one day at a time and learn to slow down a little.

Friday, January 14, 2011

Library adventure

One of the things I remember very fondly from when I was a kid was one of my older sisters taking me to the library.  I spent hours upon hours there with her and her children.  It was one of my favorite things to do (yes, I am a geek).  I took the boys to the library this morning and it was such a great experience and filled me with those fond memories.  We had gone to the library when we lived in Indy often, but they were young and it wasn't really so much about getting books.  But since it had been a while and they are a little older, it was all about the books.  They were so excited and so good.  I am so proud of them!  We even walked there and I have a feeling this is going to be a walk we make often.  So I am thankful our house is so close to the local library!

After we returned from our adventure, we had some hot chocolate to warm up.  While we sat around the table talking about our adventure and drinking hot chocolate, I started realizing how much I miss my sister.  No, she hasn't passed away.  We just really don't speak much any longer.  No big dramatic story to tell or anything like that.  Just a slow moving apart because I was young and stupid.  What I wouldn't give to be able to turn back the hands of time and change that.  Even as we were walking back this afternoon and I was telling the boys about their aunt they have never met I was just sad.  They of course want to meet her.  Maybe I will be lucky and when we go back to visit later this year I will be able to do just that, allow them to meet their awesome aunt.

One of the parts I regret the most is not seeing all of her girls grow up.  Her oldest is actually only 5 years younger than me so her I knew her very well.  Shortly after her last daughter was born was when it all started.  I was married once before (shortly after her last was born) and at the time I didn't realize what was happening I guess.  By the time I did, 5 years had passed, the amount of time my marriage lasted.  I realized after my divorce I was isolated from everyone I had known.  I had allowed this man, this idiot to isolate me from friends and family. 

I was a young girl who married the wrong person.  Very simple.  I didn't realize until many years later how much I had allowed this person I married to take over my life.  Change me.  And I'm not really 100% sure I ever really found myself again.  I caught a glimpse right before I met M I think.  I have come to know something about myself over the years.  I allow myself to become what I think other people want me to be.  Those most important to me.  And you know what?  It's never really worked out.  So this year I am hoping to start finding myself again.  Be real again.  With myself.  Learn what I really want to do and not just do things because others expect them of me or feel I have to.

I took my first step recently!  I have felt the pull to sing again for over a year now.  Shortly after we moved here I found out about a local chorale and really wanted to join.  But then I found out their rehearsals were on Tuesday nights.  My balloon deflated before it even got off the ground.  You see, Tuesday night is the only night M actually goes and does something non-work related.  He goes and plays trivia with the neighbors and I didn't want to ask him to give that up.  I just couldn't bring myself to do it. 

Then, just after the New Year we were chatting about cooking of all things.  And somehow I ended up telling him what I really wanted to do.  I wanted to sing again and I had found out the chorale was holding mid-year auditions.  And I told him about the rehearsals and such.  And you know what?  He told me to go for it.  Gotta love him.  So, I did.  And I am on could 9 because I am singing again! 

Baby steps!

Thursday, January 13, 2011


Motivation.  I have been pondering my word for this year.  2011.  What should it be?  I keep going back and forth in my head between a few.  This one is probably my keeper.  Yes, I am a wee bit late getting started for 2011.  See, one more reason I need this as my word for 2011.  Ha!

Been pondering the Project 365 again lately.  Have tried to update the blog a few times but still haven't uploaded photos from my camera so nothing published yet.  Although after doing a few entries last night I started reconsidering my method again.  Seeing as I tended to really only update it once a week (or even every other week for that matter) I am thinking a weekly post of 2 scrap pages may be my method this year.  I came across a great template that sparked some ideas last night.  Hmm...still pondering.  Need some MOTIVATION.  ;) 

As I looked at my blog last night I noticed how pitiful my posts were last year.  I mean the number of them, the content probably was as well but hey, I won't go there.  Blogging for such a long time helped me do stuff.  It motivated me (see, that word again).  So I am going to attempt to really jump back into it.  Use it as motivation.  I don't understand why but I am one of those people that has to have something to hold me accountable.  A goal.  A deadline.  No deadline...usually no results.  So, this year I need to create my own deadlines.  My own consequences for if those deadlines are not met.  Hard part is it usually only involves me so in the end does it really matter?  Ugh!  Vicious cycle.  Yuck!

So I am one of those people that feels if it is going to be really cold outside there should at least be snow.  But no, not where I am.  We got ice.  Yucky ice.  Although I will say Noah and I had fun this morning pulling big sheets of it off my car and smashing it on the ground.  That child is fascinated with ice.  And Cameron is with snow.  It's pretty funny to watch them.  It did snow a few weeks ago and Cameron kept eating it.  I think I managed to capture a photo believe it or not. 

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Happy New Year!

Okay, so the year has NOT started off the way I envisioned.  Do they ever?  Once again I was hit with the cold from you know where.  The thing would just not go away.  I think I am finally just about over it and so very thankful.  An entire week gone.  Grrr.  So, better late than we go...

Happy 2011 everyone!  Hope you all have a fantastic, fantabulous year!


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