My little guy

Yesterday morning Cameron decided to wake up at 6:40ish. Lovely. I had already taken a shower and was getting dressed but this is getting crazy. It seems the earlier I get up and get dressed the earlier they get up. Do they hear me getting ready or something since we move their rooms? Strange.

I did manage to take this cute video of Cameron though before M left for work. I am still amazed every time I look at them on film or in a video. They still look like little babies when I look at the each day but when I see them in something like this I realize just how big they really are getting!

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I thought I was okay with it

Well, I met with the school yesterday and Noah got in the developmental preschool and Cameron didn't. Just as we thought would happen. I really, really thought I was okay with this and have found so many positive things about it. But all I can think of is my sweet little 3 year old getting on a bus all alone. No brother or mommy there. He has NEVER been away from all of us totally on his own. The reality of that didn't hit me until yesterday and now I can't get the picture out of my head. They have always had each other even if we weren't there.

And of course Cameron decided to be CRANKY this morning and I am very afraid this is what it will be like every day that Noah gets on the bus and he has to stay behind. He is the one who WANTS to go and do these things. So hard being a parent at times emotionally! I know I just have to find something to make our (Cameron) time special. But just the though of explaining this to them both before and during, is just painful for me. They both want what the other child will be getting. It makes me sad. I know it will be okay and they will adjust and this is for the best. I know all these things in my logical portion of my head. But my heart still aches for them both. And this morning when I dropped them off at "school" I had to tell their teachers and the director. That made it even more real. And the teachers were sad and said they were going to lose their "snuggle bug." And I keep thinking what is Cameron going to do during this adjustment time?

Oh, the thought of all this makes my head spin, or wait, is that the vertigo? To top all of this off I have an inner ear infection. No telling how long I have had this stupid thing but I know the last 4-5 days have been pretty miserable. I have lost nearly 5 pounds because of the nausea. I wanted to lose weight but not this way. I really just want the room to stop spinning and be able to walk without drifting. Ha!

Luminaries

I am seriously behind on photos at the moment. So that means my Project 365 blog is way behind. I don't think I have let it get this behind ever. I have loved doing this and will continue on into 2010. I think it will be a great thing to have when the boys are older for them to see a little of each of our days.


Our neighborhood does this really cool luminary event. They place luminaries all over the sidewalks and everyone turns on their Christmas lights and we light up the neighborhood. The boys loved driving around looking at all the lights. It is so much fun with them now understanding so much. Man, I just keep thinking 2010 is going to be an exciting year for us. I am really looking forward to it. Will add pictures after I download them!

Random meanderings

If anyone needs to know what to get me for Christmas I need some kind of heated foot warmer thingy. Ha! I hate that my feet always stay cold. And the fact that our temperatures this year have been MUCH colder than last doesn't help. It didn't get this cold until January last year. We had it lucky I guess our first year here. Not that I like it any less, just have to adjust and adapt. :)

It is so great having others who "get" what you are experiencing. Being new to an area and having to start all over again is tough. I mean really tough when you have done it as many times as I have. Even before I met my husband I had moved a lot. And together he and I have moved a total of four time and we have only been married five years, but living together almost seven. That sounds better I guess on the number of times we moved. All but one of the moves have been cross-country. And we stayed in the same house for four years (the first four years we were married) and thought that was a record!

But anyway, back to the "getting it" thing. It is tough when you have know what you need to find logically but can't figure out how to find it. Logically speaking I know I need to find other moms to hang out with my kiddos and do stuff with. But man it is so tough to break out of "routine" and make an effort. Especially with twin nearly three year old boys who act wild and crazy and you are constantly chasing them around instead of talking with the other moms. I know this will change as the boys get older. I am positive it will, they are already doing better with it. But it still doesn't make it any easier at the moment.

I did finish our Christmas card today (well, did the whole thing actually). Thankfully M kept the boys so I could do this seeing as it took half the day. Crazy. The strange part for me is that once it finally does come together it happens quickly. It just takes forever to get to that point. So I guess I can share it when I get them all sent out. :)

I'm okay now

I'm okay now with everything. I know it will all work out the way it is supposed to. I have faith. I also was able to get some good insight from the boy's OT, some great friends and some fellow twin parents who have been in similar situations. So that is a huge help in the comforting department. So on to worrying about other things. :)

I took 159 pictures yesterday. How in the world did I manage to take 150 pictures on a "jammie day" for the boys? We stayed inside the ENTIRE day. They didn't even get dressed. What's up with that? They are converting to jpeg's as I type this. Going to take FOREVER. Guess that means that after they finish I will have to find a cute one to post.

Part of the reason I took so many yesterday is that I have yet to do my Christmas cards. Last year I got extremely lucky. I fed them a snack in front of the Christmas tree and let them play with a string of lights.

I figured I couldn't do that two years in a row. Although I did try bribing them to sit together and both look at me and smile with a cookie. Didn't work. So I am probably going to go with the "this is what our days are like" picture for the Christmas card. Meaning one going in one direction and the other going in totally the opposite. Or one looking and the other not. Oh well, it will eventually come together. So if you don't get our Christmas card until Christmas Eve or after you will know why. :)

First of many decisions like this

Well, it has turned out pretty much as I suspected it would and now I have to make a decision. I am torn by so many emotions over this decision. I am sure this is the first of many like this I will face with the boys, but it has conjured up a whole range of emotions.

Noah has qualified for the developmental preschool and Cameron hasn't. I know I need to send Noah but do I fight to get Cameron in? I am not sure Noah is ready to be separated from Cameron. If it were the other way around I would say no problem. But it isn't. And it has turned out just like I feared it would.

I am actually happy Cameron didn't qualify and was hoping neither of them would. But Noah just won't participate in class and during his evaluation hardly even acknowledged that the people were in the room. He did his usual thing of doing his own thing on his own terms. And I still can't figure out if that is just him being stubborn or if there really is something wrong there. I know he is intelligent, he shows it so many ways, but he is just stubborn and is a sensory kid. His OT thinks he may have Auditory Processing Disorder but that usually isn't diagnosed until they are 6 or older. So now I have to play this waiting game and I have to admit it is agonizing at times.

It doesn't help matters when Cameron came back "Advanced" on several of his scores. It also didn't help that I got Cameron's evaluation on Saturday and just received Noah's today. Then of course I start blaming myself. How can I have two children the same age and one be so far behind the other? What did I do wrong? The logical side of me knows it is just they are two different children and developing at their own pace. But the mommy side of me has a heart that is breaking and feeling like I failed my child.

Going to get all this out of my system tonight and then stop worrying over it. We go next week to meet about this and I will just have faith that it will work itself out.

My growing boys

Cameron is quite the little artist. He decided it was time to try his little hand at coloring the walls, door and window. It was pretty funny actually. I had to restrain myself from laughing right in front of him when I discovered this. And of course I had to go and grab the camera but haven't downloaded the pictures yet. So this is him coloring at his easle. He decided his comfy chair was in order that day both to stand and to sit on while coloring. He just cracks me up.

I just finished cleaning out separating the boy's clothes in their closets. I had a few things in Cameron's room before but hadn't really finished it yet. Basically he was running out of clothes in his room so I was forced to do this today. Ha!

I always thought I had a ton of clothes for the boys. When you split them up it really doesn't look like much. I guess having two people's clothes in one closet makes it look like way more than what you have in reality. Wow. I am kind of shocked. I also realized I have one sweater for them. One. It is 34 degrees here today and only the first of December. Guess I need to go shopping. And I think we are about to graduate to 4T jammies and even some 4T clothes. Cameron is definitely in a growth spurt. He finished off two waffles this morning and asked for another one. He has been eating like crazy. It just all kind of snuck up on me how fast they are really growing. Sigh. It is just strange for me because they stayed in 24 month and 2T things for over a year and then just all of the sudden, wham, they almost skipped over the 3T stuff.