I have struggled all day with my feelings over the events of today. I went this morning for a mammogram. Not the most fun thing to do or be talking about on the good old blog I know. I have struggled with whether or not to even post about this. It's all kind of surreal I guess in some ways. I knew there was a lump. I have had several over the course of the last 15 years or so. Always just been fibrous and never had to do much at all. Once I had an ultrasound when I was in my early 20s but after that they just always knew they were fibrous. They have come and gone usually. Not today.
It kind of has me freaked out. He told me it is almost certainly benign but it is that word "almost." It's not 100%. So of course they will biopsy and I will find out I am sure that it is. But it still has me freaked out. When the gal who did the ultrasound said she was going to have him look at the mammogram and the ultrasound and would be back I had this overwhelming flood of feelings hit me.
They had all these quotes posted on the ceiling and I sat and read these as I waited for the doctor to come in. I cried. I admit it. I had all these emotions going on and I had up until this morning just told myself it was nothing just as it had been in the past. I was drinking caffeine and I knew that agitated the fibrous things. That's all. Well, the reality that it wasn't that was sinking in all within the span of about 30 minutes and it all hit me at once.
When the gal returned with not only the doctor but a nurse I knew something was up. And as he spoke I could tell there was a "however" in there. And of course there was. I will say he was a very kind person and even held my hand as he delivered this news. He said all signs show that it is benign...9 out of every 10 are. So, they will biopsy next week when M returns and I am sure all will be well with the world. Just makes you realize how precious each and every minute is.