Dealing with children who have sensory issues is not always easy. A lot of the time people (including their parents) don't understand or "get" them. It makes it tough all the way around. Now don't get me wrong, I am no way complaining about my children's "problems" but I am learning. Learning that no matter how hard I try some days just aren't good ones. For me or for them. Today was one of those days...
It started off with the fact that we have all been sick around here this last week. I thought when Cameron had a stuffy nose it was just allergies but by the end of the week when myself and M started feeling bad I knew it was a summer cold. Yuck. Just yuck. Of course Noah had gotten it as well a few days prior but the only sign he shows is crankiness. And that is not an unusual symptom for him.
Well, this afternoon we decided to go out for lunch because my house still looks like a disaster zone from moving (at this rate I don't think it will ever get finished). Noah was cranky but I didn't think too much of it. We got into the car and at this point anything (and I mean ANYTHING) Cameron touched he wanted. It made no difference what it was, he just wanted it because Cameron had it. This has been happening often these days. Almost as if he is just doing it to see if he can get his way at times is the feeling I get. So I told him no, and just took it (a cup) away from both - and truth be known I threatened to throw it out the window and if that wasn't considered littering I would have!).
We get to the place we plan on eating and I tell M to go on in with Cameron and I'll deal with Noah. Strike a deal with Noah that seemed to calm him down well enough to get him in the door. While we are ordering he spots the cookies on the counter. Oh my...here we go again. The whole way to the table and while waiting for lunch he goes on and on about he wants a cookie. No. Not until you have your lunch.
Now at this point you are probably thinking that is a normal behavior for a 3.5 year old. Yes, I agree. But what isn't normal is that he continues this endlessly and when I am holding him he tells me to let him go. So I put him on his chair and he crawls back into my lap only to tell me to let him go. I put him back on his chair and he tells me no, pick him up. I pick him up and he tells me to let him go. I stand him on the floor next to his chair and he crawls back into my lap and tells me to let him go. You getting the picture here?
So this goes on until Cameron points out there is a video game behind us and he wants to play. Oh, that opens a while new can of worms. Ugh! Can someone shoot me right now??????? Please????? Pretty please?????? So we move on to he wants to play the game. This goes on between the game and the cookie until the food gets here.
Now in my brain during all of this I keep trying to convince myself that this is "normal" behavior for a 3.5 year old when they are hungry, tired and not feeling well. But in my heart I know it isn't. At that moment, when he was sitting in my lap crying for the game and holding his hands over his ears I knew it wasn't. I have had this feeling a few other times. I keep trying to convince myself that I am just over reacting. That he is fine, he is just stubborn. Other people tell me he is just stubborn. I just have that same feeling I always have that something isn't right. That I need to help him in some way I am not qualified to and people just look at me like I'm some kind of nut when I tell them these things.
I will say the older he is getting the more other people are seeing it. It was painfully obvious to me this last week when they went to summer camp. Seeing him react and then seeing how other kids reacted to the same situation I just knew I need to do something more for him. He needs to have help to be able to cope with things that are beyond his control. His teachers even noticed that he is a little more sensitive, etc. at this summer camp. And the fact that he is a twin and they of course compare him to Cameron is not a good thing. They are so totally opposite and there is no way they should be compared.
So, my conclusion from all of this tonight. It was a very good thing to have them separated in January for school. If they never have to be in the same classroom again I will be happy.
Second, I am coming to hate summer. Thank goodness when they get a little older I will have the opportunity to put them in year round schooling (praying we are still here at that time!). At least with the year round thing their breaks are so much shorter between and we won't have as long to get all our of whack.
And third, I feel helpless right now. I know he needs something (they both do actually) and I am feeling stretched beyond my limits and I need to focus on them right now. Screw the house and everything else. BUT...the house is part of what is causing such stress for both of them right now. The move has totally thrown them (and me, who am I kidding). So do I work like a crazy person to get this place unpacked or just keep spending the time with them and deal with the house later? I just can't seem to get both done. Again, I feel helpless!
I will get it all done and we will survive this. I just hate days like today when I feel like I am not doing all I possibly can for my children. It breaks my heart and makes me just want to cry. So that's it for me tonight...tomorrow is a new day and I will wake up refreshed and ready for it!